


Before

by Patientanxiety



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Elves, F/M, Fugitives, Hiding, On the Run, Swordfighting, eternal sword, prologue to game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23824939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patientanxiety/pseuds/Patientanxiety
Summary: The story of Lloyd's birth from Kratos' POV.Kratos and Anna are on the run after Kratos gets her out of a facility. He thinks he only needs to fight monsters to keep Anna safe, but no one mentioned fatherhood to the angel.
Relationships: Anna/Kratos Aurion, Kratos Aurion & Lloyd Irving
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

I woke startled from the nightmare and focused on steadying my breathing. Then I noticed Anna was missing from my side and I began to panic. I sat up and was about to extend my wings when I heard her voice, softly singing. I slowed my heartbeat and walked slowly to the entrance of the cave, where she was sitting, looking out over the land. Her singing calmed my heart and I sat behind her, wrapping my arms around her delicate body. When she finished her song, I kissed her ear.

“You seem happy this morning.”

“I’m always happy with you.” I found myself stiffen at her words and she noticed as well.

“Are you? Can you really be happy living like this?” She turned in my arms and brushed my hair away from my eyes. She always looked at me with a gentleness that I never knew. 

“Living like this means living with you and I would have it no other way. We are together, Kratos, and that is all that matters in my life.” I hugged her tighter, not wanting the moment to end. I was such a selfish being. Every day was a struggle for me not to leave. Why couldn’t I just leave her? She would be safer without me, happier without me. I loved her too much. I loved her in my own selfish way. She finally pushed away from my embrace and smiled. “You are different this morning.” I let my arms drop from around her and started to stand.

“I didn’t sleep well. Where’s Noishe?”

“He went to find us some breakfast.” As if on cue, Noishe joined us. Anna began cooking as I cleaned my blade. I always liked it to be ready. I looked out of the cave entrance. We were high in the cliffs of Hima, above most places. It was safe here, but I knew it was also only a matter of time. 

“We should move again.” Since meeting Anna, I didn’t like being in high places. I felt we were more vulnerable to Cruxis and angels. She looked at me as she served up breakfast. 

“I can be ready within the hour.” So trusting. How did I deserve such a beautiful soul? I would never be deserving of her love.

Once we finished packing our things, we set out down the mountain on Noishe. I wanted to go somewhere deep in the forest. I led Noishe to the biggest forest we knew and entered its shady sanctuary. I got off of him and saw that Anna had fallen asleep. I smiled as I stroked her cheek once.

“Take care of her Noishe. I am going to scout ahead for monsters.” I weaved my way through the trails and branches. I wanted to find a good place for us to stay for a while. After fighting my way through a few rough places, I sat down to catch my breath. I don’t know how long I had been scouting, but decided to go get Noishe and Anna. Then, suddenly, I heard Noishe howl. That was his way of communicating with me. Something was wrong. My wings sprouted from my shoulder blades immediately and I flew through the forest. When I entered the clearing where I had left them, I saw Noishe whining and nudging Anna. She was on the ground, not moving. “Anna!” I ran to her side and checked her breathing. It was steady. “Noishe stay here. I will go get a doctor.” I don’t remember how but I sped to get the best doctor I knew. I arrived at his clinic, troubled about Anna’s sudden illness. Could it be the Ozette flu? No. We weren’t anywhere near Ozette. After convincing the doctor to come with me, we arrived in the forest where Anna had collapsed. The doctor examined her for what seemed like an eternity. He then came over to me.

“She is fine.”

“What happened?” 

“She was exhausted and malnourished.” I have been pushing her too far, moving too often.

“Will she be okay?”

“For now. Please let her rest and make sure she gets some proper food.” I thanked the doctor and walked him to the nearest village. Before he left, he turned to me. “I must tell you that I am concerned about her condition.” The Cruxis crystal? How does the doctor know about this? “You will need to find a more permanent place for her to have the baby.” Then he turned and left as I stared after him. What? A baby? Anna is…

No. It cannot be. How could I do this to her? We are fugitives. We can’t possibly have a child like this. Wouldn’t Anna have told me?

I returned slowly to our camp. Anna was sitting up against Noishe and drinking hot tea. She smiled at me, but I could feel her weakness. I stood across from the fire. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She looked down at her cup.

“I thought that you would be angry.” 

“Anna, we can’t-”

“Kratos, you have made me feel so happy. Please, let me have this happiness. I never dreamt that I would fall in love with an angel and now we are going to have a son. I have never felt this much happiness in my life.” A son? My arms fell to my sides.

“A son?”

“It’s just a feeling.” She smiled up at me with those warm eyes. I’m going to be a father. I went around the fire and sat next to her. “I know you will be a great father.”

“Will I?” She touched my hand gently. 

“You are full of so much fear, Kratos. One day that fear may make you hate yourself and I just couldn’t bear if that happened.” I already have so much hatred for myself about what has happened to the world and to people like Anna. Couldn’t she see that? I have made so many mistakes. Then she started singing softly, holding her stomach. I’ve never seen her like this. How could I take away her happiness? I am weak. I have always been weak. 

“We will need to find a better place to hide until the baby comes, then.” She smiled at me and curled up against Noishe. I couldn’t sleep. Not until I found a safe place for Anna. I left her with Noishe as I continued my scout of the forest. I needed to find a place safe that was well hidden. Deep in the forest. As I travelled, my mind wandered. Could I really do this? Could I really be a father? All my life I only knew combat. Anna taught me how to love. Am I the person she thinks I am? No. I’m weak and selfish. She sees me as a strong and courageous man, but all I’ve ever done is to let others make the tough decisions for me. 

I knelt down to rest and looked up at the stars through the branches. I will never forgive myself for putting Anna through all this. 

The next morning I woke Anna early so that we could move to the place I had found. It was actually perfect, which surprised me, and I knew that she would love it. We moved slowly, because I didn’t want to push her body too much. Her body. No one really knew how Cruxis crystals worked on humans and now she had a baby growing inside her Cruxis crystal body. What would the baby become? I, myself, was no longer human. Would it become a monster? Would it destroy Anna? 

I froze on the path we were taking. Noishe tilted his head at me and whined. How could I not have thought of this before? Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up into Anna’s loving eyes. 

“Everything is going to be alright.”

“Anna…” She smiled down at me from Noishe and pointed ahead of us.

“Are we close? I would like to rest, if that’s okay.” I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was so fragile right now. The burden she must be carrying, trying to keep me happy. I clenched my hands into fists, hating myself. Hating that I could not leave Anna when I should have. I had no right to love. I have no right to be a father. All of my past sins…

We continued walking until I led Noishe around some tricky areas in the forest. Anna was drifting in and out of sleep on his back. I saw a particular tree in the distance and knew we were close. I gently woke Anna and led the way to our new sanctuary. This would have to be the home of our child, whatever he may be. We walked around a few more trees and through some thorn bushes. These would give us some protection. Then we entered a clearing, where a stream ran through, with spattering sunlight through the thick branches. I couldn’t see the sky, which made me feel safe. The trees were thick in this part of the forest. I stopped Noishe in the middle of the clearing and gathered Anna in my arms. She smiled and giggled with delight at our new home. 

“Oh, Kratos! It’s perfect! It’s exactly what I want for our family.” Family. I don’t remember the last time I had a family. I set her down gently so that she could rest and began building a fire. Noishe curled around Anna to give her warmth. He loved her as much as me. Before she drifted to sleep, she murmured to me, “Can we have a house here? A little house…” 

How could I deny her anything she asked? More of my weakness. I slept by myself that night, drifting in and out of nightmares.

I started gathering materials and wood early the next morning. I had another terrible night’s sleep. Perhaps I would never sleep well again. I could live with that to atone for some of my mistakes. I wanted Anna to sleep as late as possible so I worked quietly, moving through the forest and returning various things I think we might need. I need to go into town one of these days as well to stock up on supplies. I hate going into the towns. I always preferred my solitude until I met Anna. Even when I use to travel with my companions, many millennia ago, I enjoyed times by myself, training or watching the stars. 

I began to withdraw from my friends gradually over the centuries, until eventually, I came to this world. I was more curious than anything to see how the world had turned out. I tried to avoid the harsh reality of the worlds that we created but seeing it with my own eyes made me feel better. I tried to justify what the world had become and put the blame on the prejudices formed by humans and elves. I was blind to the cold truth that every race harbored prejudice and that it depended on the individual, not the people. 

Seeing the world as it was allowed me to hide my true feelings of soulless beings and also to hide behind my past regrets. In a sense, I became like those on Derris-Kharlan, floating through existence without a heart. That was, until I met Anna.

She changed my life so drastically and unexpectantly that I didn’t believe it at first. I denied my feelings and continued with my life as I had been. Then I realized that her life was in danger and I thought of the world without this soul. I couldn’t imagine it and I didn’t want to. It was the first time my heart had awakened since the world was split. I felt it. The pain and anguish of the prospect of losing someone close to you. 

Even when Martel died, I didn’t feel what I had felt then, knowing they had placed a Cruxis crystal on Anna. My breath had been taken away from me. My entire existence changed when I realized how important this woman was to me. I became greedy and disregarded everything in my life, except for her safety. That was my primary focus: to keep her safe. Then I fell in love.

Love. I had never known such a thing in my life. Anna showed me what my life was lacking, what a heart really felt like. 

I set down the tree I had been dragging and wiped my forehead. Anna. I should apologize. I got her into this mess and I keep making it worse. I shouldn’t punish her for my mistakes. 

I entered the clearing with the wood that I had cut and wanted to go straight to Anna and just hold her. I wanted to let her know that I would support her. Noishe was sleeping, his ears twitching, but I didn’t see Anna with him. She was near the stream, washing her hair and singing. I just stood there and watched her. Her voice wrapped around me like a prison. She simply took my breath away. I didn’t want to disturb this perfect moment, but she turned and smiled at me. I walked over to her and sat on a rock next to her. She had finished washing her hair and was brushing it out. 

“Kratos, may we talk?” Talk? What did she want to talk about? She looked up into my eyes and my heart froze. She was so beautiful that it hurt. “Kratos, I know you are afraid, but please be a part of our child’s life. Don’t run from this. I know you will be a good father and I can’t do this without you. Please don’t close your heart to me because you are afraid.”

“Anna…” She knew me so well. She took my hand and placed it over her stomach. I felt the slight bump that formed over her abdomen and my eyes widened. We were really having a baby. She smiled and began humming. I should say something. I should promise her to be in this child’s life, but the words escaped me. One of the things I love about Anna is that she never looks for my words. She knows my inner core, my heart, and that is more than anyone else has ever known.

I took her face in my hands gently and peered into those eyes I loved so dearly. When she looked at me, it was like she could really see into me. I didn’t have to hide from her. She was kind, gentle, loving…

“I will be here for you.” She smiled and touched my cheek, outlining my features. How could I deny her anything? “But, first, I need to go somewhere.” I let go of her and sat slightly back. “I need to figure out who is going to help you when the baby comes.”

“You won’t be able to by yourself?” If it comes to that…

“I would prefer a doctor. If I cannot find a way to keep us safe from the Desians, then I will learn all I can.” 

“Then I will be strong for you.” I looked at her delicate body, her strong determination and marvelled at the woman who returned my love.

“Anna…”

“What frightens you, Kratos?” I couldn’t look at her. My shame…

“What if he isn’t completely human? What if…” I couldn’t say anymore. Fear choked my words like vines around a tree. As always, Anna knew how to calm my fears and my anxiety. She placed her hand on top of mine.

“Kratos, I want you to listen to me carefully. Our child will be perfect, no matter what. He will be loved and happy, and even if he is more like you, then I will love him all the more. Don’t worry about that anymore. Just believe, Kratos.” I want to believe. I use to believe a long time ago… I never gave much thought to my angelic state until I met Anna. Now I wanted nothing more than to be human again…completely. Why did I ever ingest that Aionis? I couldn’t abandon Mithos after Martel. And now? “If you hadn’t become an angel, Kratos, then I would never have met you. We were destined, don’t you think?” I suppose she is right. I would have died many millennia ago and never known what it felt to love another such as this. Even so, would our child be part angel? Would he have wings? Would he be affected by the Cruxis Crystal within Anna? Anna started laughing and I looked at her questioningly. “You are always trying to fix everything. Just let it be, Kratos. We can’t fix this. We can only accept.” Accept the inevitable? 

“I don’t want our child growing up in this world.” Anna stopped laughing and looked at me seriously. “I want to find a way…”

“Then find a way.” I looked at her serious face. “Find a way for our child to live in a world that does not sacrifice people.” The only way would be if a human could wield the eternal sword. Is that even possible? Even if it were, Origin’s seal would need to be released. 

“I would need to do more research…”

“Go. I will wait here with Noishe. He will protect me. Go do what you must and return before our child is born.”

“No. I must be sure that you are safe.” Wasn’t there anywhere I could take her? The elves… would they accept us? “Perhaps there is a place and they have their own kind of medicine…”

“Where?”

“We will have to travel far to get to this place, but I promise we will return here to raise our child.”

“Will we be travelling tomorrow?”

“Yes. That would be best.”


	2. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kratos finds a safe place for Anna to give birth.

I woke Anna early the next morning to travel to the other world. I had found a way to travel between worlds without Mithos’ knowledge long ago. It was now, more than ever, that I was thankful for my strong will to find solitude. 

It took several days and nights before we reached the village. The elves loved their secrecy and I understood why. I just hoped that I could trust them and that they would accept us. They had always tolerated my presence before, but now… 

Anna was asleep on the back of Noishe as we walked through the gates to the village. The elven guards stopped to question us. They knew me, of course, but had never met Anna and did not know of my present situation. 

“I request a council with the Elder.”

“It is late, Kratos. What is your business?”

“It is personal… and urgent.” They led me to the Elder’s house, but I had Noishe wait outside as Anna slept. He whined but obeyed my orders. I entered the Elder’s house and greeted him respectfully.

“Kratos. What is it you seek?”

“Sanctuary.”

“You have travelled with a companion.”

“Elder, I am here to ask for your help. Anna is pregnant and I have no knowledge of these things. As her time grows near, I need to find a place where she can stay, temporarily.”

“Why not ask your angel friends to aid you?” How do I explain that I am on the run?

“I will not act coy with you. I have broken ties with Mithos and the other angels.”

“They let you leave?”

“Not exactly. Anna and I are… wanted.” The Elder raised his eyebrows at me. I could see that he was going to deny my request. I needed him to help me. “Elder, I need your help. Anna needs a safe place to rest and prepare for the baby. I cannot trust anyone else. This village is our only hope. When the child is born, we will leave, and I promise to not bother you ever again.”

“Anna, you say? Does she mean this much to you? To seek the elves’ help?”

“She is everything to me. Please.” The Elder walked around the house, thinking. 

“Where will you be during this time?”

“I will be neither here nor there. I wish to investigate whether the eternal sword can be used by a human. I will be here as the birth nears, though.”

“The eternal sword? A human cannot wield its power.”

“There must be a way.”

“Why do you seek this now?”

“I want the world to be better for my son.”

“Your son?” Have I said too much? Will the Elder think it not right for me to love another? He walked closer to me and looked into my eyes. “You have changed, Kratos. You have compassion. Do you love this human?”

“Yes.” 

“And you are willing to give your life for a better world?” 

“For my son, yes.” 

“And this… son of yours… are you committed to becoming a father?”

“Yes.”

“I would like to meet Anna for myself.” I took a deep breath and led the Elder outside to Noishe. I gently put my hand on Anna’s cheek as her eyes fluttered open. 

“Kratos… are we there?”

“Anna, the Elder of this village would like to speak with you.” I helped Anna off of Noishe and held her close to my side. She swayed slightly from her slumber. Then she smiled at the Elder and bowed slightly out of respect.

“I apologize for my appearance. I did not realize I would be meeting anyone tonight.” The Elder took Anna’s hand and looked at her intently. 

“I can see your immense heart. Kratos has asked my permission for you to stay in my village for the birth of your child.”

“It seems like a lovely village. I would be honored to have my child born here.” The Elder looked at me once more and noticed my protective arm around Anna.

“We elves are very secretive about our heritage and lives. I would have to know that our safety is not in jeopardy.”

“I would not want to put your village or your people in danger.”

“I thank you for your consideration. Before I make a decision, I would like our midwife to meet you.” Anna nodded in consent, but I felt my temper rising. We followed the Elder into another house, where an old woman resided. The Elder greeted her and spoke to her about Anna. The woman walked over to Anna and placed her hand on Anna’s stomach. We were all silent as the woman held Anna. Then the woman looked at me with knowing eyes.

“Your son will be strong. Stronger than you, but only with your help. Will you help him, Kratos?” My son will be stronger… My son… He will need my help. I will have a son and he will be strong. Will he be the next hope? Will he be able to hold the eternal sword? 

“If you help us now, in our time of need, I promise to help my son become strong.”

“Then we shall help you and Anna however we can. Please, allow me to show you to your temporary home.” We followed the woman and Elder to a small house in the corner of the village. The woman was making Anna comfortable as I followed the Elder outside.

“Thank you for your help.”

“Kratos, you cannot outrun Cruxis.” I didn’t want to discuss this.

“I will find a way.” The Elder bowed his head in acknowledgment.

“Anna will be safe here. Do what you need to. We will take care of her.”

“I cannot thank you enough.” Then he left as the old midwife walked out. I took a deep breath to release the tension from my body before I entered the small house. Anna was sitting in the bed and Noishe was sleeping on the floor. I unfastened my sword and lay it on the table. Perhaps I could build a house like this for my family. Anna looked like she belonged. I wanted this for her. Now she could relax and not worry about anything but the baby. She smiled as I sat next to her.

“Thank you, Kratos.”

“I hope it is enough for now.”

“It is more than enough. I feel safe and at ease for our child. Our son.” I touched her stomach.

“I hope he has your goodness.”

“Oh?”

“You are so… pure.” She smiled at me.

“I hope he has your strength and love.”

“My… love?”

“You have such a devoted love, Kratos. Can you not see that? It is such a rare thing.”

“I believe you are much better than me.” Your love pours out of you like a revitalizing river. Mine, if it exists, is frozen, much like my body.

“Mm. My love is free, nonjudgmental. Your love is guarded, secret. It takes more for someone to earn your love, but when they do, you give it wholeheartedly with a wholesome devotion. I want our child to have that.” Is that why I followed Mithos so blindly after the War? Is that why I agreed to be the seal for Origin? My life… it is now the curse that follows me. If I hadn’t been such a devoted friend, perhaps we would not be pursued now…

“I wish I could see myself as you do.” I kissed her forehead. “Rest, my love. We had a long journey.”

“Kratos, do you know how long you will be away?”

“I hope not too long, but I cannot say for sure. I would rather be away now, than when our son comes into the world.”

“I was thinking of names.” Names? For the baby? Yes, he would need a strong name. “I was thinking of Lloyd.”

“Lloyd, huh?”

“Do you like it?” I didn’t particularly care.

“Why Lloyd?”

“It was your grandfather’s name, was it not? I remember you mentioned it once and I like the way it sounds. It sounds like the name of a leader.” I had never met my grandfather. He had died before I was born. All I knew were the stories of his excellent fighting skills. He was the reason I became a knight all those years ago.

“Hm. Lloyd…”

“We can talk about it more later. I just wanted…”

“No. I like it. Lloyd, our son.” She smiled at me and laid her head down. She looked so tired. “Is it difficult for you?” She never use to be this tired. She was always full of energy.

“No. The journey was just a bit much. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” I pushed her too much again. When would I learn? “Rest, Anna. I will return as soon as I can.” She closed her eyes and I watched her for a few moments before kissing her forehead again. “Stay safe, my love.” I decided that it would be safer to move at night, so I got up and fastened my sword around my waist. Noishe perked up his ears and I rubbed between them. “Keep her safe, Noishe.” Then I walked out the door and out of the village. I didn’t know my direct path yet, but I knew I should return to our corner of the forest first. I needed a quiet place to think and also to prepare for our new life. 

I reached the forest the next morning. I could always move faster by myself. Wings did have their advantage sometimes. As I entered the clearing, I first did my usual warmup and sword practice. Then I moved to the tasks at hand: building a home for Anna and Lloyd. I still worried about how our son would be. The elven woman said he would be stronger than me. Would that even be possible unless he were part angel? Could a human be as powerful? I tried not to dwell on such thoughts. I needed to focus on learning more about the eternal sword. If I could find a way for a human to use its power, then maybe these worlds had a chance. 

The eternal sword… Only someone with elven blood could possess its power. However, I use to be human and am now an angel. Could there be a way for a human to obtain elven blood? I had to find a way. I needed to go to Sybak, but how could I without being seen? I needed a good disguise. 

After weeks of searching for answers and building a place for Anna, I was getting tired. My search brought more questions than answers and I needed to discover the truth behind my theories. There just wasn’t enough time. The limited-time I could have within the cities was not enough. I was constantly on guard, sure that I would be discovered, and could not concentrate on my task. I also worried constantly about Anna. I knew she was in good hands at the elven village, but she was weaker since she had gotten pregnant. I looked up into the night sky and gazed at the dozens of stars. I wish I could believe in a god-like this world does. They believe Martel is a god and they pray to her every day. Who can I pray to in times of need?


	3. New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birth of Lloyd

I finally decided that I needed to return to the elven village. I had completed our home, but could not find all of the answers that I needed regarding the eternal sword. I will have to finish that work later. Anna should be due in a month or two and I want to be there for her. I flew to Ymir Forest and slowly found my way through its maze. When I reached the gates of the village, it was dusk, and eerily quiet. There were no guards at the post. Something wasn’t right. I drew my sword and proceeded into the village. Nothing seemed out of place, but there was no one to be found. This village was always humming with elves. What was going on?

I walked deeper into the village and started to hear voices. They were coming from behind the Elder’s house. I saw a giant fire lit and the whole village sat around it, quiet as the Elder spoke. I didn’t put away my sword, but lowered it slightly, listening to their conversation.

“I know that it is not our custom to welcome non-elves into our village, but tonight is a special occasion. Life is always a cause for celebration and this life, in particular, may be our salvation. As Elder of the village, I would like the whole village to welcome someone into our family.” Everyone banged sticks into the ground in a ceremonious way as I saw Anna enter the middle of the circle to where the Elder was speaking. She was cradling something wrapped in blankets. My heart stopped. Anna handed the bundle to the Elder and sat down. The Elder held the bundle up so everyone could see the baby’s face. “Lloyd, son of Kratos and Anna!”

I fell to my knees, dropping my sword. Our son… Our son had been born and I wasn’t there for Anna. When did this happen? Wasn’t it too early? My heart sank deeper into my chest. Then a hand tapped my shoulder and I looked behind me. It was the old woman. She motioned for me to stand and follow her to the circle. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to meet my son, to be a father. I didn’t want to make more mistakes. I didn’t want…

As soon as I came into the light of the fire, everyone became silent and looked at me. My heart was beating so fast. Could they hear it? Anna came over to me, smiling, and reached for my hand. 

“Kratos, you’re back.” I looked at her with sorrow in my eyes. I’m sorry. I didn’t make it. I wasn’t here. So many things came to my mind but no words would flow from my mouth. “Would you like to meet our son?” She guided me toward the Elder and took the small baby from his arms. Then she walked to me and set my son in my arms. 

His warm little body snuggled close to my chest as I stood still. I looked down at him. He was perfect and he was human. He looked up at me with big eyes and that’s when I noticed that he had Anna’s eyes. Anna’s eyes. I loved those eyes. His little hand reached up toward me, as if knowing that I was his father. I raised him closer to my face and he touched my cheek and giggled. That’s when it happened. Everything within me shattered as I held this little miracle. He was my life now. I wanted to be everything for him. 

I smiled. I smiled down at this baby boy with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe someone so small could mean so much. I lifted one hand and stroked his soft cheek. He grabbed my finger with his tiny fist and yawned. I couldn’t stop smiling.

“Lloyd…”

That night, after the ceremony, I sat in bed with Anna, marvelling at our boy. Anna cradled him with a mother’s love as my arms wrapped around both of them. 

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

“He is perfect.” I looked down at Anna. “What happened?”

“He just couldn’t wait any longer.” Anna smiled down at our son. “He was so impatient.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t-”

“Shh. There is no need for that, Kratos. You are here now. I am so happy at this moment. How could I feel any happier than I am now?” 

“He has your eyes, Anna.”

“Yes and your strong will. He will become a marvellous man.” He cooed as he slept in Anna’s arms. I couldn’t believe that I was a father. Will I be good enough?

I let Anna sleep the next morning as I rose and walked out into the village. It was humming as usual. I found the midwife as she was gathering herbs. I thanked her for taking of Anna and my son. 

“Anna will need to rest and recover here for a few days before moving. I have already informed the Elder.” I thanked her again and left to return to the house. Anna was asleep, but Lloyd was awake and making noises as Noishe nuzzled him. Noishe looked up at me as I approached. I leaned over and picked up my son. I cradled him in my arms and marvelled at his tiny features. 

I walked outside and sat in a grassy area under a large oak, holding my son. Noishe had followed me and was lying down, watching us. I cradled Lloyd in my arms, watching as he tried to make faces and noises. How could such a small being change so much? It was hard for me to imagine him becoming stronger than me when he was so small. 

He stopped making noises and looked up at me, directly into my eyes. My heart nearly skipped a beat as I stared at his serious face. It was like he knew who I was. This little boy… Perhaps I wouldn’t love him as much if he were simply my son. His eyes remind me that he is also Anna’s son and that makes my heart swell with pride. Our son. The product of our love for each other.

The Elder approached and I started to stand but he stopped me.

“Please, don’t trouble yourself.” He looked at me a few seconds. I think he was wondering about me. Am I still the same Kratos? The one who split the world with Mithos? I didn’t even know. “The midwife told me that Anna will need some time to recover. I don’t want you to rush out of here until she is well enough to travel. Some of the elves feel uncomfortable with your presence, but they will most likely leave you alone anyway.”

“Was it difficult for Anna?”

“Yes, it was a difficult birth.”

“Thank you.” The Elder nodded and turned to leave but then hesitated. 

“You look happy, Kratos.” Then I watched him leave. I turned my attention back to my son as he started to suckle on my finger. He must be hungry. I stood up and walked back to the house to see if Anna was up. As I walked in, she smiled. She was awake and sitting in bed. She held out her arms for her boy and I obliged by gently passing him to her. I kissed her on the forehead and then left again, joining Noishe beneath the oak. I unsheathed my sword and began cleaning it. 

It would take us much longer to travel back to our forest. We will need to stop frequently for Lloyd. We also didn’t want to attract too many unwanted visitors. Travelling with an infant will be difficult. I am used to travelling quickly, but I will need to slow my pace once that time comes. I wasn’t exactly sure how long it would take us to return. Perhaps it would be better for us to take longer, anyway. Staying in one place made me anxious and I would rather travel more while Lloyd is young and can be carried. I wish I could provide him with a normal childhood. Maybe if we took longer getting back to our clearing in the forest, then we can spend a few years there before moving again. There isn’t any rush, really. We could travel and spend a few days here and there, without a strict plan. Then when we reached that forest, we would enjoy it much more. 

I paused while cleaning my blade and pictured Lloyd running through that clear meadow as a toddler. The thought made me smile. He will fit there. I decided I needed some practice and entered Ymir forest to sharpen my battle skills.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

I unloaded the packs from Noishe’s back as we stopped for the day. We left the Elves’ village three weeks after Lloyd’s birth and have been travelling for a few months now. It has been quite enjoyable. Each time we stop, we stay for a few days and don’t think about the outside world. Lloyd makes us forget that we are being pursued by Cruxis. Every day he grows and becomes more of a joy to Anna and me. 

Lloyd was starting to roll over by himself and make more sounds. Sometimes, after Anna would fall asleep, I would stay up, just watching Lloyd. He amazed me with his innocent curiosity. I hope I can teach him everything I know about the world and my skills as he grows. 

I set up camp as Anna fed Lloyd. Noishe curled up behind them. After starting a small fire to keep warm, I joined my family. We were quite the family. An angel, a human, a baby and a protozoan. I smirked at the irony. I lay down across from Anna, as Lloyd fell asleep between us. She smiled at me and I noticed the gold locket around her neck. 

“That was nice that the elves gave you that.”

“They were very lovely.”

“They liked you.” She smiled and closed her eyes. “Anna…”

“Hm?” She looked so happy.

“Sleep well.” 

Lloyd’s crying woke me up early the next morning. I jumped to my feet as Anna was trying to calm him down. 

“What’s wrong?”

“He woke with a fever.” Noishe growled and was staring at the bushes. I drew my sword.

“We need to get out of here.” Noishe and I formed a protective barrier around Anna and Lloyd as we moved through the forest. I remembered a waterfall that we passed and led our group that way. The waterfall would drown out Lloyd’s cries. After fighting off a few creatures, we reached the waterfall. Lloyd was still crying. “Noishe.” Noishe ran off, searching for anywhere we could hide, while I kept guard. Anna was trying to comfort Lloyd.

I heard Noishe howl and we followed the sound to the edge of the waterfall. He appeared from behind it and we followed behind the curtain of water. It roared above us, quietening Lloyd’s cries. Then Noishe led us into a cave that was behind the waterfall. The cave was damp and dark. I left Noishe on guard as I gathered dry wood to start a fire. The cave lit up and the fire’s warmth spread through the darkness. Anna was bouncing Lloyd as he started to calm down.

“Is he better?” Anna was still bouncing Lloyd when I came over. I gathered Lloyd in my arms and let Anna sit down. “Shh, baby boy.” I stroked his cheek and felt the fever on his delicate skin. I closed my eyes and performed one of my limited healing skills. I opened my eyes. Lloyd immediately stopped crying and looked up at me. “There.” Lloyd giggled and held his arms up to me. I smiled and lifted him into the air. He laughed, which made my heart fill with love. Anna came over and smiled at me. 

“You healed him.”

“Yes. He is feeling better now.” 

“Such a gift.” I looked down at her.

“It isn’t much, but at least I can make my son feel comfortable.” She smiled at me. Then we sat around the fire as she started to cook some breakfast. “We should stay here for a few days. It’s a good place. Lots of noise for Lloyd to laugh as loud as he likes.” I continued to hold and play with Lloyd as Anna finished our meal. I let her eat before handing Lloyd back. After eating I cleaned my sword. I knew we weren’t even halfway to our destination, but I wasn’t in a hurry. 

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

By the time we reached our forest, in the other world, Lloyd had begun to stand on his own. He hadn’t said any words, but understood what we would say to him. I helped Anna, who was holding Lloyd, through the thornbushes, which had grown significantly. I was hoping the house wouldn’t be wrecked but would just need minor repairs. 

We reached the clearing and it looked just as I had left it. There were a few things that needed to be cleaned, but it was going to be perfect for our new home. We had been travelling for so long that we needed a place to stay for a while. We rested that first night and the next morning I started on the repairs to the house. Anna was cleaning laundry in the stream while Noishe watched Lloyd. 

I watched as Lloyd would stand against Noishe and pull on his fur. I think he loved Lloyd just as much as Anna and I. I was pounding on the wood, filling in some holes, when I felt a small hand on my leg. I looked down and saw Lloyd looking up at me. I glanced over at Noishe, who was several feet away, and then back down at Lloyd. Lloyd’s big, brown eyes were staring up at me. I stopped what I was doing as I realized that Lloyd must have walked from Noishe to me. 

“Da-Daddy.” My eyes widened at his high-pitched voice. I dropped my tools and immediately picked him up, tossing him into the air and catching him as he giggled. “Daddy!” Anna stopped washing the clothes and ran over to us. I was laughing as I nuzzled my son. He spoke his first word and it was daddy. Lloyd, my boy…

“What an intelligent boy!” Anna laughed as she watched us. 

“He is definitely daddy’s boy.” 

“Did you hear, Anna? He even walked over here!”

“He sure is growing up fast.” I smiled down at Anna as I held Lloyd and kissed her forehead.

“Thank you, Anna. You gave me such a wonderful family.”


	4. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kratos trains Lloyd in the art of sword fighting.

“Now hold the blade strong, Lloyd.” I had carved a wooden sword for Lloyd and was showing him how to hold it properly. “With your arm swinging tight against your body, move it in a downward motion.” He did as he was told and then went chasing a butterfly with his sword, waving it back and forth. I smiled and stood up, watching him, as Anna joined me.

“He is only three, Kratos. Don’t expect anything amazing yet.” I laughed and put my arm around her.

“I know.” She kissed my cheek and then went back to cooking. I walked over to Lloyd as he slashed at a plant. Then he turned and lunged at me.

“Ha!” I dodged his attack and grab him around the waist, tickling him. He dropped his sword and laughed uncontrollably as we both fell to the ground. “Dad!” He continued laughing until I stopped tinkling him. He was breathing heavily as he smiled. I relaxed as I put my hands behind my head. Lloyd leaned against my stomach and looked up at me, smiling. “Dad, will I grow up to be as great as you?” As great as me…

“You will be far greater than I, Lloyd.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He smiled up at me.

“Dad, why do you watch the stars at night?” I looked down at my son and saw the curiosity shine from his eyes. He was always asking questions, yearning to know more about the world. I only hoped that I could protect him from the world until he was ready to face its cruelty. I wrapped my arms around him protectively.

“I watch the stars to remind me that there are other places out there.”

“Other places?”

“Other worlds. Other ways.”

“Ways for what?”

“Other ways to live.”

“What’s wrong with how we live?” So young, so innocent. Sometimes I wished I could live in an ignorant and blissful world. Part of me never wanted him to lose that, but the world is tough and changes people. 

“Nothing, son. I just want to give you a good home.” 

“Is there something wrong with our home?” If only he could understand. Lloyd touched my cheek and I looked down at him. His face was serious as I saw the concern in his eyes. “Can we fix it, daddy?” Can we fix our home? I smiled as my son asked the one question I had been asking myself for millennia. Can we fix this world or are we doomed for eternity?

“I don’t know, son. I hope there is a way.” I could see him analyzing my answer and then he smiled brilliantly up at me. 

“I will help you find a way!” Such hope. My son was filled with such hope that it brightened even the darkest moments. He gave me such joy.

“My little light. I’m sure you can, but right now it’s getting late and your mother is preparing dinner.”

“Then I have to go to bed?”

“Yes.”

“Can I stay up tonight and watch the stars with you? I want to try to find other ways.” I ruffled his hair and smiled. How could I deny such an innocent request? I squeezed him tightly to me and he giggled. “Dad! Can I?”

“You will have to ask your mother.” He smiled and ran to Anna as I stood up slowly. I could see him jumping up and down in front of his mother, pleading with her. I walked over to them.

“You’re too soft, Kratos.” I shrugged as a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

“He’s your son as well. He knows how to pull at my strings.” She shook her head and finally gave in, allowing Lloyd to stay up tonight.

“Yes!” He ran around the meadow, celebrating so much that even Noishe got excited and joined the party. We laughed as we watched their little show. I wrapped my arms around Anna as she continued to cook.

“He is looking more and more like you as he grows.” 

“Is he? I was thinking that he is looking more like his mother.”

“You don’t look passed his eyes.” I smiled and kissed her cheek. She looked back at Lloyd and Noishe playing. “Would you want another one?”

“Another what?” I looked at her and then realized what she meant. “Oh.” Another child. Was that what she wanted? I loved Lloyd with all my heart. Was there enough love for another child? Could we handle another child? I knew our time grew short here in the forest, but I didn’t like thinking about it. Could we travel with two children? We would need to enlist the elves’ help again. Then there was-

Anna elbowed me in the ribs and I looked down at her.

“You were thinking too much.” She smiled. “I simply wanted to know if you wanted another child.”

“Well, yes, I suppose so. I hadn’t thought about it, because of our situation, but if the world were perfect, then I would want another one. Perhaps a girl.” 

“I would too. Maybe one day…” I unwrapped my arms from around her and looked at her.

“It doesn’t bother you to live like this? To have Lloyd grow up like this?”

“I don’t see anything wrong with it. He is loved and knows so and we are happy. What more could we want, Kratos?” I looked at Lloyd, who had collapsed next to Noishe. 

“I wish he had other humans to be with. Friends his age.”

“Yes. That would be nice, but it would be too dangerous.” She smiled. “Lloyd will just be special like his father.” 

“Hmph.” I imagined Lloyd playing with other kids his age. I pictured a small girl with long brown hair who followed after her big brother. If Lloyd could not have friends his age, perhaps having a sibling would be best. “Perhaps Lloyd needs a brother or sister.” Anna was tasting the soup she made and looked at me incredulously. 

“Kratos. Are you serious?” I asked myself the same question.

“Yeah. I am.” She smiled and kissed me, revealing the love she felt at that moment. She smiled mischievously at me.

“That means you are going to have to make sure Lloyd follows his bedtime.” Then she went and poured soup out into bowls for our dinner. I watched her before going to get Lloyd and Noishe. 

“Hold the sword like this, son.” Lloyd clumsily placed both hands on the hilt of the wooden sword as his brow furrowed in frustration.

“It’s too hard, dad. Can’t I just hold it with one hand?” He held the wooden sword out with one hand and moved it gently, feeling it cut through the air. I watched his movements curiously. Even for a three-year-old, he was graceful with a sword, but whenever he held it with two hands, he couldn’t seem to feel comfortable. How could he wield the eternal sword with one arm? I wanted him to be prepared, but perhaps he was too young.

“Maybe you need a shield.” My son stopped his slashing and looked at me as his eyes narrowed slightly.

“You don’t need a shield.” I laughed as he took my suggestion as an insult.

“I am far older than you and have other ways of protecting myself.” Lloyd’s three-year-old brain seemed to ponder this.

“I want to protect you and mom.” I raised my eyebrows at him, not for his lack of skill, but because his heart seemed so big. He got all his goodness from his mother. His mother’s job was to comfort him and make him feel invincible. It was my job to challenge him. A wicked grin spread across my face.

“And how, do you suppose, will you be able to protect us?” Lloyd heard my challenge and concentrated on his sword before looking at the other wooden sword on the ground, where I had left it. He picked it up and looked at both swords in each hand and moved his wrists back and forth in a clumsy motion. I had made the wooden swords light for his little arms so that he could handle the weight while he adjusted to the motion of sword fighting. I watched him curiously as he tried to move the swords in a way that made sense to his mind. Then he whirled one around in a fluid motion and placed them both in front of himself at different angles. It was a defensive stance but with swords instead of shields. It impressed me, to say the least. Lloyd moved the swords again, slowly, but with accuracy, and turned toward me.

“Fight me, dad.” I raised my eyebrows and looked at the little boy with a serious face. It was in that instant that I knew he would be a great warrior. His skills would be great, yes, but combined with a good heart, he would make all the right decisions, where I made all the wrong. It made me proud. I raised my wooden sword and slowly made small movements against his, allowing him to move where he liked. It was agonizingly slow, but I could see his concentration and didn’t want to break it. He was good with two swords. Far better than one. He finally dropped his swords and heaved a big sigh. “It’s still hard.” He sat on the ground, frustrated. I sat next to him.

“Actually, you were quite impressive.” If Lloyd had been Noishe, his ears would have perked up. I smiled and ruffled his hair as I tackled him into the grass. “You are impatient to be great, but you are well on your way, son.” Lloyd laughed as he threw grass at me. I pulled him to my side and looked up at the sky.

“How did you get great, dad?”

“I practiced for hours every day.”

“Is that where you go in the mornings?”

“Yes, and when you are older, I will take you with me.”

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

“I want to protect lots of people.”

“What other people do you think need your protection?”

“I don’t know, but I just feel it. Like there’s a whole world that needs help. I want to do that if I can.” I swallowed a large lump in my throat at the emotion I felt. Ever since Lloyd’s birth, I felt emotions so much stronger than before. Forgotten emotions. Like fear and love and pride. On many occasions, Lloyd surprised me with his thoughts and what his little mind came up with. This was one of those occasions and I didn’t know if I should feel scared or proud that my little boy would take so much upon his shoulders. “Can you help me become that person, dad? Help me become great like you so I can protect others?” I cleared my throat of the emotion and nodded.

“Of course, son.”

“Thanks, dad. I feel stronger knowing you will help.” I turned my head and looked down at Lloyd’s smiling face. So much innocence and hope. I never wanted to diminish his bright soul.

“You are already stronger than you know, my little light.”


	5. The End (or Beginning) of it All

“Anna! Take Lloyd and run!” I stood my ground as I heard Anna and Noishe leave. How could I have been so stupid?! I let my guard down. I hadn’t practiced in weeks. Why did we stay so long here? I couldn’t hear Anna or Noishe running anymore, which meant they were far enough away. I knew Noishe would protect them from monsters and find a safe place. I had to make sure to stop Cruxis. 

The guards approached and I took them on, five against one. They weren’t too difficult, but I knew there were more just behind them. I fought off waves after waves of Desians. There were so many and I was tired. I needed to go find Anna. The Desians kept coming. I didn’t how there were so many all at once. Then I realized I was surrounded.

“Judgment.” They fell like insects, twitching to the ground. I took a deep breath and then ran, following Noishe’s trail. I hoped they had found a good place to hide. I kept following the trail until I was again interrupted by more guards. I took them down, tiring with each fatal blow, and ran desperately to find my family. 

I heard barking in the distance and ran toward it. I knew that bark. Noishe was alerting us of danger. My wings sprang out in my impatience and I flew up to the top of the mountain. I landed in front of one of the human ranches. Anna was surrounded by Desians, with one of their leaders in front. Noishe was growling and trying to protect Anna, but she was being held by each arm. Lloyd was on the ground in front of her, crying. Their leader, Kvar, approached Lloyd with an evil smile and drew his sword. 

“No.” I sprung in between Kvar and my son: my sword drawn. He smiled at me as if he had always wanted to meet me in this way. “Your fight is with me.” Our swords clashed and even though I had been weakened, I knew I could beat him. We fought for several minutes until I slashed across his torso, injuring him. He knelt down but started laughing. Why was he laughing when I was only moments from the fatal blow? He looked up at me.

“You’re a fool, Kratos.” All of a sudden I heard something behind me. Men were thrown over me and I looked to see a monster towering over everyone. 

“No.”

“We removed her keycrest before you arrived. Now she is nothing but a killing machine.” This wasn’t happening. Anna was…

“Anna.” Everyone was running away and screaming as she tore through them. That’s when I noticed Lloyd, sitting in the path of her destruction. Before I could reach him, Noishe blocked her attack with his own body, protecting Lloyd from harm. He whimpered as a giant gash ripped through him. “Anna, stop!” I blocked her next attack toward Noishe and Lloyd, holding her off as Noishe moved Lloyd to the other side of me. I pushed her back as I turned to get Lloyd, but Kvar was there, fighting off injured Noishe, trying to reach Lloyd. I moved and parried his attack. He was too weak with the blow I had dealt earlier and he retreated.

“Dad!” I turned and saw Anna grab Lloyd. I held my breath as my sword arm fell to my side. She was squeezing him to death, cutting off his airflow. What do I do? 

“Anna.” Then her grip loosened as she stopped her rampage. 

“Kratos.” It was her! She was still inside. “Save our son. Kill me.”

“Anna… I… can’t…” 

“Kill me.” No. How could I kill the person I love? Then she turned back into the monster and began suffocating Lloyd. I had to save him. I had to… Lloyd reached one tiny arm out to me, begging me to save him. 

“Dad.” Tears sprung from my eyes as I held out my hand. 

“I’m sorry. Lightning!” Lightning poured down from the sky and electrocuted Anna. She fell to the ground, along with an unconscious Lloyd. Noishe lay not far from them. Then the earth started to tremble and I fell backward as the side of the cliff crumbled away. Anna, Lloyd, Noishe and various bodies of Desians tumbled over the edge. “Lloyd!” I went to go after them when Kvar cut my arm. I had forgotten about him in all the commotion. I grabbed my sword and cut upward, finally freeing myself from his hatred. I extended my wings and flew to the bottom of the cliff. It was impossibly deep. Could Lloyd survive such a fall? No human could…

I found the bodies, but they had been destroyed and eaten by monsters within the area. There were still a few monsters chewing away at the flesh. I killed them instantly and looked among the horrendous scene for Lloyd and Noishe. It was impossible. There was nothing there but half-eaten flesh and torn clothing. I reached down and saw Anna’s locket sparkling among the blood. I picked it up and held it tightly in my hand. Gone. My whole life was gone. 

I fell to my knees and cried. I couldn’t protect Anna. I couldn’t protect Lloyd. My poor boy. He was so small, so innocent. I sat by the rotting flesh and let the tears flow from my eyes. 

“Kratos?” I looked up to see Lord Yggdrasill in Mithos’ form. He approached me with those wide eyes that I knew so long ago. “What happened?” I didn’t want to… I couldn’t bring myself to admit that my family was all dead. “Kratos?” I cried into my hands. They were dead. All dead. Anna, Lloyd, even Noishe. What was the point of living? I fell to the ground at Mithos’ feet.

“Kill me. Please, Mithos, kill me.”

“Kratos, you are my dear friend. I cannot kill you.” I felt a hand on my shoulder and my sadness feeling lighter. “I forgive you for abandoning me. Come back with me to Wingeria. Help me make a better world.” A better… world? Could it be possible? Is there no other way than to take away everyone’s souls? No. If there was, I would have found it by now. Four thousand years and I was still empty-handed. It was futile. 

Everything had been a waste. I was a waste. I killed Anna. I killed her the moment I laid eyes on her. All that pain and suffering because of me. It would have been better if she had never been able to feel those things, if she had never been able to feel. I had betrayed even my oldest friend: Noishe. He protected my family until the very end and all I could do was hesitate. And Lloyd. My son. Such a short, pain-filled life for an innocent soul. More than anything, I wished he were still alive. Would I exchange his laughter for his life, to live as those in Wingeria? Yes, I would. I would make him soulless if only so that I could keep him close to me. It was better than being dead. 

Anna, Lloyd, Noishe. All pointless deaths. All because of me. I tried to change and I only hurt more people. Who was I to judge Mithos’ plans, his ideal world? Perhaps it would be ideal when it is finished. I stood up and looked at Mithos as he transformed into Lord Yggdrasill.

“Thank you, Lord Yggdrasill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!
> 
> If you haven't played the game, Tales of Symphonia, and like JRPGs, I highly recommend it!

**Author's Note:**

> *spoiler if you haven't played the game*
> 
> I wanted to write something from Kratos' point of view because I think he always blamed himself for falling in love with Anna and ultimately, blamed himself for her death.


End file.
